Chicken and Butternut Squash Millet Risotto and Clean Week 3

Clean Week 3 was perhaps the most difficult, yet most revealing week yet. I was traveling for work and under an incredible amount of stress. I managed to get the flu while in my hotel (not recommended) and was cooped up for a day in my room, sans room service. Despite all of this, I still stayed within the guidelines of the program and was able to get over the flu rather quickly. A wonderful coworker brought me ingredients to make chicken and rice soup in my room kitchen, and it certainly hit the spot when nothing else sounded good.

Stress is a bad thing. I carry stress in places like my throat and back, and I definitely attribute my contracting the flu to the fact that I put a lot of pressure on myself during the week. The Clean Program guidelines clearly state that detox should be a time of rest and relaxation, but it was quite the opposite for me. At the end of the 3 weeks, I felt like I had survived an emotional hurricane.

I'm still glad I did the Clean Program this time. It has re-set my taste preferences, and I crave vegetables and fruit. It feels weird eating later than 6 at night, and my allergies have definitely calmed down. I did learn that I need to relax - no, seriously - and that I can't survive with so much stress. It just doesn't work for me anymore.

I actually made the recipe below last night, post-cleanse. It is so good and yet is gluten- and dairy-free. I adapted it from the Clean Program recipe book (click on GOOP recipes), adding butternut squash instead of artichokes and including organic chicken for protein. My husband loves it and adds siracha for some spice. It's especially delicious paired with a big, fresh salad and homemade gluten-free bread with organic pasture butter (Whole Foods)!

Millet is an easily digestible, hypoallergenic whole grain that's a good source of B vitamins and fiber (5 grams!). It mimics rice in this risotto because it has a creamy, delicious consistency and doesn't even need cheese.

Chicken and Butternut Squash Millet Risotto

Ingredients:

1 cup millet
6 T extra virgin olive oil, divided
3/4 cup red onion
1 cup mushrooms
1 tbsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp thyme
1 butternut squash
4 cups organic low sodium chicken broth
1 lb. organic chicken breast or thighs
1/3 cup walnuts for garnish (optional)

Assemble your ingredients:


Wash the squash. Cut off the ends:



Peel the skin with a vegetable peeler:



Cut down the center and scoop the seeds out with an ice cream scoop:



Cut each half into bite-sized pieces:


Toss in a bowl with 2 T olive oil, sea salt, and pepper. Spread evenly on a baking sheet:


When the squash is done, remove from the pan and set aside:


Cut the chicken into bite size pieces. Toss with 1 T olive oil, sea salt, pepper, and rosemary. Roast at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes, or until the edges are slightly browned.



Spread the chicken across the bottom of a small glass baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until the centers are no longer pink. Remove from the dish and set aside to be used when the millet is finished:


Note: I pop the squash and the chicken in the oven together and allow them to bake while I start the millet. Once the squash and chicken are done, I set them aside until the millet is done.

In a large pot over medium-high heat, heat the oil with the shallots and mushrooms, and cook, stirring frequently until softened (about 5 minutes):




Add cup of water, bring the heat to high, and add the millet:



Then lower heat to medium heat and start to add the stock 1/2 cup at a time, stirring after each addition, every few minutes.


When the stock has been almost completely absorbed after each addition, keep adding more, so the mixture isn’t quite soup but stays very moist.


Keep doing this until millet is tender and has at least doubled in size (about 20 minutes).
Add herbs, squash, and chicken at the last few minutes of cooking and taste for texture.
Season with salt and pepper and sprinkle in walnuts (if using). Serve warm.

I could honestly eat this every week, it's that good! It takes a bit of time to prep, but it sits in our fridge all week and makes for a great warm lunch at work or quick dinner paired with veggies. I am so happy I came across this recipe!

Enjoy!
*M*

Chocolate Walnut Clean Program Scones and Clean Week 2

I'm on week 2 of the Clean Program. It has been a rough week stress-wise, which made this detox a little bit more difficult than expected. It's amazing when we realize why we reach for food (or a glass of wine!). I don't consider myself much of an emotional eater anymore, but apparently I still have the "must-put-something-in-mouth" reflex when really stressed. While doing Clean, I'm forced to reevaluate why and how I'm eating. It's a great way to check in with what's going on in my head and how that affects how I'm eating.

Week 2 progress has included a dramatic decrease in cravings for sweets and a leveling out in my blood sugar. My skin has started to clear up, and my eyes are looking bright. My digestive tract is functioning much better too. I'm in Baltimore for week 3, so I have a lot of time alone to relax, de-stress, and watch movies after work (as opposed to running errands, cooking, cleaning, or hanging out with loved ones at home). Oh, and I'm supposed to work on that whole chill out thing...we'll see ;)

I wanted to make something baked and yummy that is both Greg-approved and Clean Program-worthy. This recipe comes from Clean Eats, a recipe book on the Clean Program website (click on "GOOP Recipes"). The recipes in this booklet are not necessarily strict to the 21-day detox but are gluten-, dairy-, soy-, and added sugar-free. I'm a big fan of scones, but I don't often make them because it's hard to find a healthy alternative that actually tastes good, and I don't like the too-sweet scones found at coffee shops. Both Greg and I really enjoyed these and look forward to making them on a regular basis. Note: since I'm avoiding chocolate (made with sugar) on the program, I simply added about 1/4 cup shredded coconut.

Chocolate Walnut Scones Ingredients:
3/4 cup coconut oil + 1 tsp. for greasing the baking sheet
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup dates, pitted
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/8 tsp. baking soda
2 cups gluten free all purpose flour (Bob's Red Mill) + 1 T for dusting (the recipe calls for 1 cup, but per recommendations on the Clean website, I used 2 cups)
Pinch sea salt
2 oz organic dark chocolate (sugar/dairy free), coarsely chopped (this is where I used shredded coconut instead)
1/2 cup raw, organic walnuts, coarsely chopped

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix all dry ingredients in a large bowl.




In a separate bowl, mash the dates until you have a thick paste and set aside.


Warm the coconut oil until it's liquid and add to date paste with vanilla and water.


Add the wet to the dry (I did dry to wet) and mix until combined. Dough should hold together. Stir in the walnuts and shredded coconut if using.






Form the dough into a round and place on a lightly floured surface and cut in half. Roll each half into another round. Cut one of the rounds in half and cut each half into thirds and repeat with the second round so you have 12 wedges. Lightly grease a baking or cookie sheet with the coconut oil and place the wedges on the sheet in the oven for 16 minutes, turning at the 8 minute mark. Note: you can also make rustic drop scones by simply spooning the dough onto the sheet like giant cookies if you prefer that to the wedge shape.


When they come out, look how beautiful they are!


Don't these look good? Is your mouth watering yet?




I hope you give this recipe a shot and enjoy them as much as we did!

*M*

Clean Program - Round Two!

I decided to embark on another round of the 3-week Clean Program. As you may recall, I did this last August and had great results. It was a remarkable journey and an incredible self-exploration, and I've decided I want to do it at least once a year. I've been having some digestive and allergy issues lately, and since a friend of mine was interested in doing it as well, I decided to give it another go. Plus, I'm going to be traveling for work, and it's surprisingly easy to do the program while traveling as long as I have a blender.

I'm doing a modified version of the program, as I didn't buy the kit this time and instead am using Sun Warrior protein powder, hemp seed powder as the fiber supplement, and my own anti-fungal and anti-parasitic supplements from Thorne. I am also using HMF Forte probiotics instead of the Clean program probiotics. I'm on Day 8, and so far it has been an interesting journey.

The first time I did the program, I had a chef make my lunches. This time, I decided to make it all on my own the Sunday before each week. While it takes up 2-3 hours of my Sunday afternoon, this prep-style cooking has been great because I don't have to think about food prep at all during the week. I think I'll even do some form of this type of cooking after the program, especially on busy weeks, so I don't have to sacrifice having great homemade meals.

For the first week, I made three meals to have for my lunches. I didn't take photos as I made the recipes because I was a bit worried they wouldn't turn out. Boy, was I wrong! Greg and I have both loved the new recipes, and everything I have made thus far has been a slam dunk.

Here is the chicken and butternut squash millet rissoto:

Dairy-free pesto, brown rice pasta, and chicken:

Three-bean salad:

For far, the program has been easier than time number one. I'm only starting to experience some headaches today, which I attribute to the detox process. I haven't been really hungry or deprived (except for the one time Greg ordered Barro's pizza, which wafted past my nose while I was drinking my cold shake at night). I have been a lot more emotional than last time, and I wonder if this time around has been more of a "quantum," or emotional detox. I'm excited to see what the next two weeks have in store for my system.

Hopefully I'll have good news to report next week!

*M*

Post Clean Program...What's Next?

I was a little nervous to stop the Clean Program because I was feeling so great and liked my routine. I'm definitely comfortable with repetition, and after 21 days I had developed a lot of habits. I wanted to stay at a place where I didn't have wild hunger swings or sugar cravings and continued to ate food slowly and mindfully. I also liked avoiding some of the allergenic food because it has mad me feel so much better, though I do want to start introducing them in one at a time so I know what (if anything) I react to. Here's what happened my first week post-Clean.

(Note: all meat and produce was organic. I took fish oil, probiotics, MSM powder, Dr. Ben Kim's Greens, CoQ10, and Antronex, a natural anti-histamine, daily. Also, I apologize for the minimal photos! I accidentally deleted them from my camera, but there are 2 at the end...)

Day 1 Post Clean - August 30th

Workout - 45 minute walk

Breakfast - shake with protein powder, banana(!!), almond butter, almond milk, ice; Teeccino with stevia

Snack - pluot

Lunch - cabbage apple slaw (leftover from the Karve seminar in Mesa) with chicken; iced green tea

Snack - cucumbers with avocado; 2 bites of chicken

Dinner - salmon, red quinoa, and sauteed summer vegetables; herbal tea

So far, so great! I felt totally satisfied with my meals and didn't have sweet cravings after dinner. I don't notice a change with adding the banana, so I'm going to have them again. They're my favorite pre-workout snack!

Day 2 Post Clean - August 31st

Pre-workout snack - banana with almond butter

Workout #1 - 1 hour walk

Workout #2 - P90X Core Synergistics

Breakfast - shake with protein powder, chia seeds, nectarine, spinach, cinnamon, sunflower seed butter, almond milk, ice

Lunch - salmon and chicken, red quinoa, sauteed vegetables, salad with goat cheese(!!); green tea

Snack - peach, bite of dark chocolate (didn't taste very good), cucumber with avocado

Dinner - shake with protein powder, chia seeds, frozen raspberries and blueberries, almond butter, almond milk, cinnamon

I was very hungry today, most likely because I bumped up my workout to pre-Clean levels again (2 full hours). Still, I was craving a shake for dinner, which was really surprising. I'm really happy with the way my taste buds and preferences have changed. This would not be possible if I didn't really enjoy and feel satisfied by the foods I'm eating, since I believe in eating for satisfaction. It's amazing how our bodies respond when we give them a break.

Day 3 Post Clean - September 1st

Pre-workout snack - brown rice cake with peanut butter

Workout #1 - 1 hour walk

Workout #2 - P90X Kenpo (40 minutes of it)

Breakfast - shake with protein powder, chia seeds, nectarine, cinnamon, almond butter, almond milk, ice; Teeccino with stevia

Snack - plum

Lunch - salad with goat cheese and Bragg's Healthy Vinaigrette, sauteed vegetables, salmon, red quinoa; green tea

Snack - cucumber with avocado, 1 1/2 brown rice cakes

Dinner - cabbage, avocado, and onion slaw with red wine vinegar, olive oil, garlic, sea salt, and pepper, tuna, and a few bites of grilled grass-fed beef; bite of raw fudge (almond butter, cocoa powder, honey, vanilla, shredded unsweetened coconut)

I felt great today until the evening, when I was really hungry and really tired. I've also been working a lot (outside of my full-time job, which is brain-consuming on its own). I honestly crashed at 8:30 pm! I think I need to rest a lot more!!

Day 4 Post Clean - September 2nd

Happy 90210 Day! (9/02/10!)

Pre-workout snack - brown rice cake with almond butter

Workout #1 - 1 hour walk

Workout #2 - P90X yoga (75 minutes)

Breakfast - shake with protein powder, chia seeds, banana, peanut butter, almond milk, ice (my favorite combo!); Teeccino with stevia

Snack - cucumber with sea salt

Lunch - cabbage, onion, avocado slaw with grass-fed beef patty; bite of Jess' Lush burger (just the meat); green tea

Snack - coconut Lara bar

Dinner - more cabbage onion, avocado slaw with microgreens, grass-fed beef patty

Snack - apple with cinnamon

Today was a little repetitive because I was trying to use up some food, but it was certainly delicious! My husband also really liked the cabbage, onion, avocado slaw (with olive oil, red wine vinegar, stevia, garlic, sea salt, and pepper dressing), and he commented on how filling it was. The apple with cinnamon "dessert" hit the spot for something when I got a bit hungry later in the evening but didn't want anything heavy.

Day 5 Post Clean - September 3rd

Workout - 1 hour walk/run

Breakfast - shake with protein powder, Thorne Medibulk fiber powder (8 g per scoop), nectarine, sunflower seed butter, almond milk, ice; Teeccino with almond milk and stevia

Snack - sliced cucumber with sea salt

Lunch - Chipotle Friday! Salad with chicken, beans, fajita veggies (nightshades for the first time!!), salsa, guacamole, lettuce; green tea

Snack - coconut Lara bar

Dinner - U of A game watching! 1 blue cheese chip (definitely not palatable!), salmon, steamed veggies, sauteed cabbage, marinara sauce(!!); 1 glass of red wine(!!)

Today was my first foray into alcohol, and I immediately noticed some nasal congestion after my one glass of wine! Otherwise, I can't tell if I'm really sensitive to any of the foods I have been adding. I definitely have no appetite for fried foods or anything really heavy. It has completely lost its appeal.

Day 6 Post Clean - August 4th

Workout #1 - 30 minute walk

Breakfast - smoothie with protein/fiber powders, frozen strawberries(!), sunflower seed butter, almond milk, ice; Teeccino

Workout #2 - Karve class

Lunch - steamed carrots/broccoli/cauliflower, tuna, and cabbage salad with goat cheese and avocado

Snack - brown rice cake with almond butter and a peach

Happy hour/Dinner - 1 glass of red wine, 1 glass of champagne, cherry tomatoes, 2 cubes of cheese; grilled elk, vegetable salad with feta, and a few bites of potatoes

Out at the bar - 1 vodka soda, bite of brownie sundae, solid dark chocolate

2 a.m. late-night snack - 1 apple

We got dessert for the table when we were out, and it definitely did not sit well with me! The chocolate tasted good, but it was really heavy and hurt my stomach. The brownie sundae was really not appealing after one bite. I'm a self-professed choco-holic, so this was a definite surprise. I was starving when we got home at 2 a.m. and had an apple, which satisfied me even though I was surrounded by Taco Bell!

Day 7 Post Clean - September 5th

Brunch - brown rice cake with peanut butter (absolutely starving upon awakening); buckwheat pancakes with banana and almond butter; cantaloupe and watermelon; Teeccino

This was our brunch set up. I cooked for some of our dearest friends :)

Snack - raw vegetables with olive oil and vinegar, goat cheese; cantaloupe and watermelon

Dinner - grilled chicken, coleslaw (made with cabbage, carrots, onions, avocado, goat cheese, olive oil, vinegars, lemon juice, garlic), local grilled corn with butter, sea salt, and pepper; green tea

Snack - cantaloupe and watermelon

Even though I had 3 drinks over the course of 9 hours last night, I felt as if I had 9 drinks over the course of 3 hours! (OK, I didn't feel THAT bad, but I certainly cannot handle much alcohol anymore!) The big difference, however, was that I did not crave greasy hangover foods today and felt normal pretty quickly. I was very hungry when I woke up because of alcohol's effects on blood sugar. Throughout the Clean Program my blood sugar has been kept pretty regulated, so it felt uncomfortable being so hungry.

Well, that's all folks...no more weekly food diaries! I hope you have enjoyed reading about my interesting, difficult journey with the Clean Program and the aftermath. I have learned so much about myself, and my body, preferences, and and feelings toward food have changed dramatically. If you ever have any questions about this experience, please let me know.

*M*

Jess Reflects on her Clean Program Experience

My pretty little sister!

I am writing to you 4 days after my Clean Program experience has ended and all I can say is I am really full! Ha! I have to admit I have not held back with eating my favorite meals and treating myself to what I once thought was my life-saving Starbucks lattes. Unfortunately, my body has not responded in a very positive way with all my post-cleanse indulgences! Some of the foods and drinks I used to really enjoy do not necessarily satisfy me as much anymore, and I have been getting an uncomfortably full feeling if I don't eat a well-rounded, healthy and smaller meal.

I definitely do not crave the shakes for dinner but if I eat something that is heavy or too late before I go to bed, I don't sleep well and I feel really tired the next morning. During the Clean Program I did not feel like I was having life-altering changes (besides weight loss) and overall I was not impressed. However, now that I am able to eat and drink whatever I want I have found out that I am not really interested in making the same decisions as before. My body made subtle changes that I wasn't aware of and it completely changed my taste buds and appetite. I am craving more fruits and vegetables (which I snack on a lot during work), and I am drinking a ton of water throughout the day to stay really hydrated. Also, if my Day 22 happy hour experience taught me anything, drinking a glass of wine during the week is not the best idea because it makes me dehydrated and un-motivated to get up the next morning. As much as I don't like to admit it (especially to Megan), I am extremely happy I went through this experience and I know it will forever change my relationship with food. To anyone struggling with allergies, inflammation, bad skin, weight issues, and lack of sleep, this program is definitely worth trying!

Hammer out, again.

Clean Week 3! Woohoo!

We're on the home stretch, people! Please see the previous posts regarding weeks 1 and 2. Of course, we're still doing the same supplements and choosing all organic meats and fruits/vegetables.

Day 15 - August 23rd

Workout - 45 minute walk

Breakfast - shake with protein/fiber powders, white peach, chia seeds, cashew butter, almond milk, ice

Lunch - quinoa pasta with chicken and summer vegetables (thanks again to Stacey!); green tea

Snack - sliced Persian cucumber with sea salt and raw Dr. Hummus hummus, both from the farmers' market!

Dinner - shake with protein/fiber powders, frozen raspberries, almond milk, sunflower seed butter, chia seeds, ice; herbal tea

Today was rough. I was cranky and ticked off for no apparent reason. I had a dietetic association board meeting in the evening, so I brought my "dinner" and enjoyed it there while everyone ate Wildflower sandwiches. That didn't really bother me, honestly. I was just in a bad mood, but being around friends and having a lively discussion perked me up a lot. I went to bed feeling a little better.

Someone on the Clean Program community responded to a post I had written about heartburn, recommending that I stop one of the supplements (Clear 1, an anti-parasitic). My last pill was at lunch, so I didn't do it at dinner and already started to feel the "silent reflux" go away. I had it before the Clean Program, but I thought it would get better, not slightly worse, doing this! I'm glad I found the culprit for me. My sister, on the other hand, has been fine with it!

Day 16 - August 24th

Workout - 1 hour walk

Breakfast - shake with protein/fiber powders, nectarine, cinnamon, chia seeds, sunflower seed butter, almond milk, ice

Snack - 1 Persian cucumber with sea salt

Lunch - Picazzo's Organic Italian Kitchen for my boss' birthday! Quinoa pasta with chicken, mushrooms, spinach, garlic, olive oil, and lemon, gluten-free bread; green tea

Check out their fresh herbs sitting right out front:

Snack - 1 Persian cucumber with raw hummus

Massage - one of the creepiest massages of my life, but at least it was deep tissue (though not very relaxing!)

Dinner - shake with protein/fiber powders, frozen raspberries, sunflower seed butter, almond butter, ice; herbal tea

Today was pretty good! I was feeling much better than yesterday, and I enjoyed being able to have a yummy lunch out. My shakes seem to be getting smaller and smaller in volume, but I'm equally as satisfied.

Day 17 - August 25th

Pre-workout snack - brown rice cake with raw almond butter

Workout - 1 hour walk; P90X Cardio

Breakfast - shake with protein/fiber powders, spinach, avocado (yes, avocado), frozen raspberries, almond milk, ice

Snack - Persian cucumber with raw hummus

Lunch - buffalo buger atop black lentils with Swiss chard, microgreens with olive oil vinaigrette; green tea

Snack - Persian cucumber with avocado slices, sea salt, and kelp sprinkles

Dinner - shake with protein/fiber powders, spinach, tahini, frozen raspberries, almond milk, ice; green tea

I felt pretty good today as well, and I did happen to hop on the scale to see that I have lost almost 10 pounds so far. Interestingly, I think this is mostly water weight, as my clothes aren't falling off of me. I almost feel as if inflammation carries a lot of water or "allergy weight" with it, so I'm not very concerned about the relatively big weight loss. I'm just happy I feel better and my allergies are greatly improved!

Day 18 - August 26th

Workout #1 - 55 minute walk

Breakfast - shake with protein/fiber powders, frozen blueberries, avocado, ice, almond butter; Teeccino with stevia

Lunch - quinoa pasta with summer vegetables and chicken, micro greens with olive oil and vinegar; iced green tea

Snack - brown rice cake with pecan butter

Workout #2 - Karve

Dinner - shake with protein/fiber powders, almond butter, almond milk, frozen raspberries, ice

I was definitely starting to feel the "detox high" today. My aches and pains have definitely diminished, and I am sleeping really well. My skin is glowing, my eyes are bright, and I feel healthy and rested. I love that I don't have strong cravings or get really hungry. Food isn't a big deal. I really like it, and I enjoy everything I'm eating, but I'm not really thinking about it at all. It's very liberating. I'm still really loving fruits and veggies too!

Day 19 - August 27th

Workout - 1 hour walk

Breakfast - shake with protein/fiber powders, nectarine, almond butter, ice, tahini; Teeccino with stevia

Snack - pineapple and melon from Edible Arrangements (a birthday gift to my boss)

Lunch - Compound Grill! Organic chicken and local produce! Garden plate (roasted veggies and fresh hummus on top of mixed greens) with salmon; green tea

Snack - more Edible Arrangements fruit

Dinner - shake with protein/fiber powders, chia seeds, cashew butter, almond milk, frozen raspberries

It was a bit challenging going out to lunch, but I absolutely loved what I ordered! Strangely, everything tasted spicy to me at lunch. My coworkers tasted the same carrots I was eating and didn't notice any spiciness, but maybe my taste buds are going a little nuts. I felt so great not eating normal restaurant food and easily passed on the cheese fondue, tortilla chips, and birthday dessert. It just didn't appeal to me!

Day 20 - August 28th

Workout #1 - Walk (55 minutes)

Breakfast - shake with protein/fiber powders, nectarine, sunflower seed butter, cinnamon, almond milk, ice; Teeccino

Workout #2 - Karve (and Karve seminar on organics!)

Lunch - shake with protein/fiber powders, frozen blueberries, spinach, almond butter, almond milk, ice; iced tea

Snack - raw carrots, broccoli, blueberries, blackberries, and raspberries at a bridal shower (passed up the beautiful appetizers and desserts); brown rice cake with sunflower seed butter at 6:30 p.m.

Dinner - birthday dinner for Jenna! Salad, soup, mackerel, rice, and green tea at a Japanese restaurant; green tea

I felt really great today until the evening, when I got really hungry. We didn't eat until about 8:45 pm, so I was definitely ready for it! It was strange eating my biggest meal at night (and so late), but I'm glad I could find yummy options and had a great time with friends, which is all that matters. Turns out I really love grilled mackerel! I always recommend it as a fish that is high in omega-3s and relatively low in mercury and PCB's, but I've only had it as raw sushi and never as a cooked fillet. Yum!

Day 21 - August 29th (wooooooot!)

Workout #1 - Walk/run (knees feeling great!) - 1 hour

Breakfast - shake with protein/fiber powders, 1/2 peach, chia seeds, sunflower seed butter, almond milk, ice; iced tea

Workout #2 - Zumba, followed by some pool/sun time and hot tub

Lunch - YC's mixed vegetables, chicken, turkey, brown rice, chicken veggie soup, and sauce made with garlic, sesame oil, cooking wine, and ginger; pluot

Snack - brown rice cake with avocado

Massage - lymph drainage massage followed by an epsom salt bath

Dinner - shake with protein/fiber powders, chia seeds, spinach, frozen raspberries, almond butter, almond milk, ice

I MADE IT! I can't believe this is the last day! I'm so glad I did the Clean Program, and I know it has changed my health and eating habits forever. I'm feeling really great, and I am excited to learn what foods I can add back without allergies and what foods cause problems. It a difficult emotional roller coaster with big payoffs, and I am really glad I made it all the way through.